Enough is enough

All I'm going to say is this isn't about Jer. He's the only one helping me through this right now, and I just need to vent.
How I live my life is no longer up to you. That decision was no longer yours a long time ago. Telling me that I NEED to do something in my life, and that I NEED to do something for a child created by Jared and myself - no one else - is grossly out of line. We have our own beliefs, and even Jer and I have our own different beliefs. You can't get around that by attacking me. From now on, if you've got something to say to me, you can say it nicely in front of both of us, instead of cornering me and trying to intimidate me. Because it didn't work this time, and it won't work the next. But I promise you, next time I won't be so quick to keep my mouth shut. Next time, I will tell you for the last time, my opinions. My thoughts. I'm done defending myself to you. I thought this would stop over the years, but everyone else was right and I was wrong. I'm an adult, and I have my own family now. And I don't need drama from someone who is supposed to care and support me and my family.

24 more weeks!

I still think this time is going super fast. Though I still can't wait for the waiting to be over and for little baby to be here. It still all feels like a dream. I mean honestly, how can it not? Being told for years that you can't have children, and then just 1 pregnancy test taken just to get Jer to shut up, managed to change the outlook for the rest of our life together. Since that day, besides all the obvious changes in how we look at things, we've really gotten the ball moving to get married. We always wanted to, like from not even a month after we got together, but we're fianally trying to get everything moving and hope to get married this year yet - preferably while the weather's nice and we can have a little get-together outside. I've begun to buy baby stuff, like, way more than I think I should be at this point, but nothing over $20 so far, so I feel I can justify it. A lot of clothes mostly, and a crib bedding set, and a little vibrating bouncy chair. I can't wait!

Thinking about changing doctors

I've been thinking about this a lot for the past week while still waiting on my appointment that I made 3 weeks ago (which is finally tomorrow). My prenatal dr is the hospital/clinic (they're connected, which is something I love about it) only ob. It never once crossed my mind that he would be too busy for a first time pregnant woman who was told 3 years ago she couldn't have kids. But I've just been growing more and more irritated with the situation the longer I've been waiting. My very first ob appointment he didn't show up. I understand that he was busy, but every other dr in the practice has a fill in, except him, so I drove a half hour to an appointment to just turn around and drive back home because apparently his nurses don't call you when he's unable to make an appointment either. Now, this wouldn't have bothered me so much, I was able to make another appointment for 6 days later, but I had moved my original appointment ahead a couple days because I was cramping really bad and I wanted to make sure everything was ok. Having to wait another week, I wanted to switch dr's then, but I didn't. So when I finally got my first ob appointment, he spend what I honestly think was about 20 seconds doing a pelvic exam and pap, and then left. And now there's this; I scheduled my second appointment 3 weeks ago (it was supposed to be set for sometime last week), but the earliest appointment he had available was tomorrow. Really?!? I know he's busy, but he honestly has to have appointments scheduled 3 weeks out? He's a nice dr, but I just don't feel like I'm getting the care I deserve.

Feeling like a cow

Or a hippo maybe, I think they're more round. I've gained 7 pounds in the past month. It's also just 7 pounds in the past 3 months, but I'm only supposed to have gained 3 pounds over the past 3 months, for a total of 15 pounds through this whole pregnancy. I feel like a fat worthless slob. I look nothing like a pregnant woman, I look like a fat obese monster who can't control herself. But here's the thing. I DO control myself. I walk a mile everyday, and when I can't walk outside I borrowed mom's Gazelle and work on that for AT LEAST a half an hour each day. I eat NO junk food, I have one can of soda a week, just to curb my caffeine headaches. I just feel absolutely disgusting. From going from 180, to 250 in less than 6 months, and being told that nothing is wrong with me is hard enough 2 years later to deal with after being unable to lose any weight. But now continually gaining weight and being completely unable to do anything about it, and unable to see any kind of baby-bump, I'm somehow supposed to be comforted by the fact that this is supposedly all for the baby. If it's for the baby, how come I look like a hippo, and not pregnant?

11 weeks today

This time is going so quick, though I have a dreaded feeling that I won't be saying that when I'm as big as a house. I'm starting to feel super excited about certain things, and more and more nervous about others. I've been starting to research different things, as far as feeding and diapering, and trying to compile a list of things we'll actually need, and not just a bunch of crap that I want lol. I've been really lucky so far with no morning sickness, just feeling nauseous off and on and feeling super tired all the time. I'm completely unmotivated and am afraid that I'm gaining too much weight, since my dr has pointed out that pre-pregnancy, I am considered "obese", so any more weight can hurt the baby, or my health. Yippee! *sigh* 21 years of being a skinny sting bean and one bout of being depressed and now I'm obese. But I was glad to hear that the baby, so far, is healthy. Heartbeat was 171, and I got to see the baby slowly forming.